I did my own taxes last night

Heard today that counties declared eligible for federal disaster funds have extended deadline to October 15th. Everyone else due tomorrow.
 
I used to do them myself and we always got a refund.....pay a tax professional now to give more of our money to the govt. 😔
 
I was sitting in my home office doing my tax on Sunday, deadline is July 15 this year. Phone rung, caller ID said IRS, picked it up, the man on the line with a heavy Chinese accent said his name is James Barnes (for a second I thought he said James Bond), auditor of IRS Fresh Start program.

Jimbo told me that IRS Fresh Start program is great especially in this down economy because of Covid, and was designed to help taxpayers like myself that owes $80k in back taxes. All I have to do is pay 2.5% of that $80k, which is $2k, half in Green Dot MoneyPak and half in Apple card, overnight them to IRS PO Box in Austin and my IRS debt will go away. But if they don't receive my $2k payment by midnight July 14, IRS agents along with the FBI will arrest me and seize my properties the next morning.

I'm scared shitless, IRS & FBI is not a good combo to mess with. So my questions to y'all are:

Do you think I'm in trouble with the IRS for telling their auditor to go eat a bowl of bat soup at Wuhan wet market and to go fuck himself?
Do you think the NBA and Lebron will blackball my ass for disrespecting their master, the Chinese?
 
I do not prepare my taxes. Figured out that with a preparer signature on the form they very rarely start audits on the report. I do not need the damn IRS poking around my form. I had to pay 4 figures as it was. But better to pay than give them an interest free loan.
 
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